Might-coulds and Shoulda-beens

Sometimes when you are still engrossed in the folly of youth, you have an idea of exactly how your life will turn out. You will have such and such a career and marry a certain (or a certain sort of) person, live in a nice house in a great neighborhood with wonderful friends and neighbors and you cannot imagine having to want for anything your whole life. All you have to do is turn 18 so you can get away from your folks, get out there and make it happen.

I had that life planned too. I thought I'd be living in New York City in a "Dharma and Greg" sort of apartment. I would be walking to work in the theatre everyday and come home to my two cats named Mephisto and Marguerite. I might have a serious relationship, but more than likely not. I would just have a few close guy friends (with benefits) because I would be independent and successful and completely fulfilled in my career. Besides, with touring productions I'd need to crew or supervise I wouldn't really be able to tie myself down with my family. That's my might-could. But is it my shoulda-been?

I wonder that sometimes. I can point to one pivitol event in my life that changed everything for me. It was the conception of my oldest son in the summer of my senior year. I really love all my kids but sometimes I really wish I had waited. Once you have children, you effectively have no life of your own (if you are parenting correctly in my opinion). I've been through half my life now and still have not really achieved anything which was in my original might-could. I tell myself that I might have gotten into a lot more trouble in New York than just getting knocked up and that I am happier here. I have to tell myself that because I have no other reality. I am one of those fortunate people who can convince herself she is mostly happy in the reality that has come about, but that isn't always easy. I ended up with an unfinished college degree and divorced. Remarried but alone. And broke.

Right now there are lots of kids turning 18 and getting ready to go out and do something. They're sitting through lots of commencement speeches telling them to "Go boldly forth and make all your dreams come true." That's kind of daunting isn't it? And, for most of us, nearly impossible. So here is my commencement address to the class of 2006. Figure out what you absolutely do NOT want to do with your life. Where do you NOT want to be in ten years? If you got busted for smoking dope and had to trade college for prison, would you still go to your high school reunion? If you had six kids with four different fathers, would you be embarrassed to see your old friends again? Figure out what you want to be able to tell the preppies and cheerleaders and jocks and then set about to making that reality true. Picture what exactly (in minute detail) what you want your life to look like in 10 years and avoid anything that will screw that reality up for you. You may not always have the power to make your dreams come true due to lack of money, influence, pure dumb luck, etc. But you DO have the power to avoid things that will take you farther from your ideal reality. Never assume it won't happen to you. Assume it will happen and you will get caught ALWAYS and then evaluate if that is an activity in which you want to engage. Other people tell you to make something great of your life. I'm telling you just don't screw it up.

Sometimes, you can never get your might-coulds and shoulda-beens back.

Big TV Night?

Apparantly tonight was a momentous night on the television. I have had mine on since about 5:30 pm (ABC World News Tonight) and I didn't notice anything.

I believe I am the most culturally illiterate person in America. I don't know who is in the running for American Idol. I don't know what stinkin' island the Survivor castaways got dropped on this time. I don't know which Desperate Housewife is the slut (or which one isn't?) And I don't know who the latest plane crash victim to die on that other island (north shore of Hawaii I heard) is. So what DOES this completely out-of-touch chick watch on TV?

Anderson Cooper (AC360) - CNN 9 to 11 pm and midnight-2 am weeknights - I LOVE Anderson Cooper. Besides the fact that he is a beautiful man who can also put together a coherent sentence, he is a passionate journalist. I have only watched him come up through CNN, and to be honest I was kinda pissed when he started encroaching on Aaron Brown's Newsnight time. And then some hurricanes hit (don't remember if it was Katrina or the year before) and Aaron disappeared. What was left was the most amazing broadcast journalism I have ever seen. As a once-prospective print journalist I didn't hold many TV pretty boy anchors in high regard. But there is so much more to Anderson than his (adorable) appearance. He FEELS his stories. And he conveys his feelings and makes you feel something too. I've never seen anything like it, except perhaps the clip of Cronkite announcing the death of President Kennedy.

NFL Football - I am a football junkie. I watch any NFL football game any time. I prefer the Vikings, but any NFL football will do. I follow the draft in May, and I carefully study many different sources before I draft my own fantasy football teams in September. I closely watch all the injury reports throughout the year and make adjustments accordingly. I was in an NFL for women FFL last season and it was a blast. And I won the playoffs. I am looking forward to an even better season, both for the Vikes and myself, this year.

Boston Legal - ABC Tuesday nights 9 pm - This is a sometimes show for me if Anderson's got nothing amazing on and if I remember. It's my one prime time drama. I enjoy the funny banter between William Shatner, James Spader, Candace Bergan and Rene Auberjonois (and many others). It has been a nice diversion.


Dancing with the Stars - ABC - How can you NOT love this show? I watched it from the very first episode of the first season. It's elegant and graceful and classy. The second season in my opinion was not as good as the first as they showbizzed it up more with backstories and had more of that nasty contentious banter between the judges (a la that other show). To make the show even better I think they need to make the audience vote count for way way less because then you have a situation like in the first season where someone who could barely dance her way out of a paper bag had all these soap fans voting for her and kicking off better dancers. In the second season one contestant who obviously did not give a crap about dancing and put forth almost no effort (which showed) ended up staying more weeks than he should have because of a certain bloc of voters. If you know nothing about dance, don't vote. Vote on technique, not on who you personally like.

The Young and the Restless - this is one of my two guilty pleasures. It is one consistent thing I can count on in my life every day. If I miss one or two, it's ok because it is easy to follow. I tape on DVR and watch every night. And I think Nick should end up with Phyllis. Redheads are FAR more fun.

The Bachelor - My other guilty pleasure. I think it's great fun to watch 25 high maintenance women fighting over one guy they've known for less than ten minutes, just to break up less than a month after the proposal. Catfights galore. It's much better than the Bachelorette (although the Bachelorette has married off a couple successfully and I expect ABC to fully exploit them as they have children). Somehow 25 men grovelling over one high maintenance woman is not nearly as entertaining. It's just gross. Don't ever grovel, men, especially over a woman you aren't married to yet.

There are a few other things I watch occasionnally because my husband is into them (Stargates, Battlestar Galactica, and anything on History Channel), but this is pretty much a complete list of the shows I love.

Who won American Idol anyway? (Even if they make it in the music business, they won't get played on my radio station so it doesn't matter.) I just want to know what people will be talking about tomorrow.

Absence Explanation

I haven't written a lot lately because I have been writing in my blog journal. I get the bluntest of my feelings out in that book. There are many thoughts, especially lately, which shouldn't be expressed here. The others will get edited for content and added here over time.

Practical Plural Marriage

Warren Jeffs hitting the big time of crime, the FBI's ten most wanted list, has brought a heightened awareness of polygamy to everyday Americans. Note that I am not in any way endorsing this man, his teachings or polygamy in general. I thought, however, that I would explore the issue on my own.

Warren Jeffs has got it all wrong. In his sect, teenage boys are run out of town in order to make the competition for the teenaged brides a little less stiff. These older men marry 5 or 10 young women and (as far as I can tell) keep 'em knocked up for most of their childbearing years. This results in tens and sometimes hundreds of children per family. Also (as far as I can tell) these girls and women are pretty much interchangeable. They cook, they clean, they submit to sex and raise babies to do the same. If the hubby gets a rebellious thought in his head, his little wives can be given to some other guy to treat the same way. HOW inefficient (and expensive) is this??? The way I see it, if you're going to practice polygamy to its full potential, you need to make it a better life system.

This will assume all parties are of the minimum age I think people should marry, which is 25. No person under 19 ever under any circumstances whould be roping themselves to another person for all eternity (presumably) for reasons I think I have probably already stated in previous entries. Give people a chance to get educated, get established, figure out who they are and what they want in a similarly mature partner (or in this case, partners).

Next, allow for equal opportunity. What's good for the gander is good (and perhaps even better) for the goose. If some guy can have multiple wives, then women should be allowed to have multiple husbands. This solves the problem of what to do with the surplus males. It does create problems in the old family tree, but I have not met too many guys who really wanted babies before their partners (or nagging mothers) told them it was either time to do so or was immininently going to happen. So you can either let it go, keep very good records, use one guy a cycle, or choose your breeders and get the rest fixed. This also reduces the number of offspring and therefore the expense of maintaining a large family.

Finally, choose your spouses by skill set. Why have a bunch of wives who just cook, clean and raise babies? Why not diversify your talent pool? Large families require a lot of cash coming in and make large bills. Marry an accountant. Polygamy is illegal, so the next wife you'll need will be a lawyer. Why feed your brood spaghetti ever night? A classically-trained chef could keep your palate satisfied. A professional organizer would come in handy, as well as an interior decorator. A teacher would be useful to help with all the schoolwork those kids will be doing. And then for those special occasions when you really want to impress your old school buddies, you need a trophy wife.

Similarly a woman could certainly get herself a useful group of husbands. A mechanic is absolutely necessary, as is a computer/electronics geek. An handyman would make an excellent choice, and you could always add guys with plumbing and wiring skills if handyman Hank was lacking. Again the accountant and lawyer would be a good idea. And those women who feel the need to splurge on luxuries could get their own hairdresser and fashion designer husbands, though these last two might be more interested in each other than in the wife. And a chef would be great. A personal trainer would be able to help you lose baby weight and burn off those chef-created calories. At least one of the men ought to be 6'5" or taller to change the lightbulbs and reach things in the top cupboards. (I have 10 or 12' ceilings and had to stack three books on top of my stepstool in order to change my kitchen lightbulb.) And finally, with all these guys, there is a far better than average chance that a woman will fall asleep satisfied. If one or two guys says they are tired or have a headache or just don't get the job done to your satisfaction (pun intended) you can always call in a back-up (or three). Notice I didn't add this on the men's list of wives because men are fairly simple creatures to entertain in the bedroom and are generally one-and-done.

Hopefully this Jeffs guy will get caught and his sect will be returned to normal civilization. When that happens, will plural marriage again be hidden from the public consciousness? Or has a "new" way of life firmly taken root in American society? If you are going to allow plural marriage, do it right. (Again, not an endorsement of that lifestyle, just playing with the idea.)

Election Day in Nebraska

That's right folks! If you live in the great state of Nebraska, today you get to choose which wealthy white pro-life anti-gay Christian male you want to represent the Republican party for governor, senator, congressman, unicameral, etc. I'll let you know a little secret in advance: it doesn't matter who you pick. They are ALL virtually the SAME guy. Nothing will change, whether it's candidate A or candidate B who makes it to the general election in November. Taxes will STILL be the 8th highest in the nation. Know why? Because they cannot possibly cut the things in the budget that they like to cut (education, health care, food programs, elderly services, roads, etc.) any more without it being EXTREMELY noticable. They will not cut the things they CAN cut (salaries for the "leadership" in the University of Nebraska system, salaries for various state officials, superfluous positions in state government, money for gardens and statues and crap like that, and many many other projects). End game: nothing changes.

I can't change the way things are here but I can provide you with inner peace. I am running as an alternative candidate for EVERY race. Don't want to vote for any of the white anti-choice males running for governor? Vote for me. None of the white anti-gay rich men running for senator appeal to you? Vote for me. You can even write me in for NRD board if you like. If I win I will have the opportunity to finally learn what the heck the NRD board is and why people want to get elected to it.

My candidate bio is short: I am white (can't change that), married (some of the time at least), working class, non-landed (and I am short on the rent so campaign contributions are welcome). I have a full-time job which requires me to be on my feet all day, not a cushy desk job. I have three kids (some of the time). I am extremely broke (95% of the time) so I know what being hungry and not being able to buy new shoes (even when yours have holes) feels like. I live that every day of my life.

My stand on the issues. #1 - I am both pro-choice and pro-life. That means that I think abortion ought to be safe and legal for every woman in the state but also that the state needs to work to make abortions extremely rare. Let's prevent the accidental and unwanted pregnancies. Since kids are gonna do it anyway (yes, they are) we need to keep them from getting pregnant. We need to provide mandatory long-term birth control for everyone under the age of 19 and strongly encourage that the woman continue use until at least marriage. And marriage would be delayed at least until the age of 25. I would prefer 28, but that might be a little extreme. This gives women the opportunity to finish at least a bachelor's degree and get established in a successful career before getting entangled with a man and all the bills that come with them. She learns to negotiate, balance her checkbook, reseach investments, and run her own life. I'm tired of seeing dewey-eyed brides spending tens of thousands of their parent's dollars getting married to some guy (that also doesn't matter because it's the wedding that counts, not the marriage). They have a kid or maybe two and then they fall in love with someone else, take the kids, screw the dad over for child support and call it good.

#2 - Allow gay marriage. They are human, not less than human. It does not need to be a religious ceremony because "religion" as it is today is just a bunch of rules that the Romans designed in order to bring their ever-growing empire under control. Both partners do need to be all the guaranteed legal rights that straight couples enjoy. It's the right thing to do. Besides, if they are marrying each other, they won't be marrying straights under false pretenses and then ruining many many lives down the road. (And if you think this is NOT a problem go look at the number and size of support groups for straight spouses. At least hundreds of thousands of people marry someone who turns out to be gay or lesbian later, and most do not take it as well as I did.)

#3 - Cut taxes for anyone who makes under $25,000 for singles, $50,000 for married couples no children or singles with children, $75,000 for families with children. NO taxes for these groups. And eliminate ANY and ALL loopholes for people who are better off. Picture this: you are married and even with two full-time incomes you cannot pay rent, have various utilities shut off every month, can't afford food except for when the kids visit, can't afford clothes even when they wear out. There simply is no money. You become extremely good at begging off creditors. And you owe more than $3000 in federal income tax. The vice president (who presumably does not pay rent or utilities for his official residence, obviously gets plenty of food, owns half of Wyoming and can buy off anyone he accidentally shoots on a hunting trip) gets almost $2 million in refund! Why does the government want to take $3000 we do not have and give it to the vice president, who could easily wipe his ass with it, flush it, and not blink? I do not understand America.

#4 - Concealed carry would be the law of the state and there would be NOTHING any individual city could do to curtail that right. Period. Why should the criminals be the only ones who get to carry guns?

#5 - Keep the small schools - They have proven time and again that they are far more efficient at both using their limited resources and at education students. I LOVE the idea of breaking up Omaha Public Schools as the legislature wants. OPS did not want the burden of educating more students - they do a crappy job of educating the ones they have now. They just wanted the money that would have come with swallowing up all those smaller school districts. There's a reason parents put their kids in smaller school districts. THEY LEARN SOMETHING THERE! Almost ALL of the money goes directly to educating the student, not paying a hundred or more bureaucrats to run the school system.


There are more stands on more issues, but this is getting long. It boils down to this: you can vote for one of the well-to-do WASP men who want to spend your money and curtail your rights. Or you can write in "BASSKITTY." We won't win, but we will be able to sleep tonight.