Might-coulds and Shoulda-beens
Sometimes when you are still engrossed in the folly of youth, you have an idea of exactly how your life will turn out. You will have such and such a career and marry a certain (or a certain sort of) person, live in a nice house in a great neighborhood with wonderful friends and neighbors and you cannot imagine having to want for anything your whole life. All you have to do is turn 18 so you can get away from your folks, get out there and make it happen.
I had that life planned too. I thought I'd be living in New York City in a "Dharma and Greg" sort of apartment. I would be walking to work in the theatre everyday and come home to my two cats named Mephisto and Marguerite. I might have a serious relationship, but more than likely not. I would just have a few close guy friends (with benefits) because I would be independent and successful and completely fulfilled in my career. Besides, with touring productions I'd need to crew or supervise I wouldn't really be able to tie myself down with my family. That's my might-could. But is it my shoulda-been?
I wonder that sometimes. I can point to one pivitol event in my life that changed everything for me. It was the conception of my oldest son in the summer of my senior year. I really love all my kids but sometimes I really wish I had waited. Once you have children, you effectively have no life of your own (if you are parenting correctly in my opinion). I've been through half my life now and still have not really achieved anything which was in my original might-could. I tell myself that I might have gotten into a lot more trouble in New York than just getting knocked up and that I am happier here. I have to tell myself that because I have no other reality. I am one of those fortunate people who can convince herself she is mostly happy in the reality that has come about, but that isn't always easy. I ended up with an unfinished college degree and divorced. Remarried but alone. And broke.
Right now there are lots of kids turning 18 and getting ready to go out and do something. They're sitting through lots of commencement speeches telling them to "Go boldly forth and make all your dreams come true." That's kind of daunting isn't it? And, for most of us, nearly impossible. So here is my commencement address to the class of 2006. Figure out what you absolutely do NOT want to do with your life. Where do you NOT want to be in ten years? If you got busted for smoking dope and had to trade college for prison, would you still go to your high school reunion? If you had six kids with four different fathers, would you be embarrassed to see your old friends again? Figure out what you want to be able to tell the preppies and cheerleaders and jocks and then set about to making that reality true. Picture what exactly (in minute detail) what you want your life to look like in 10 years and avoid anything that will screw that reality up for you. You may not always have the power to make your dreams come true due to lack of money, influence, pure dumb luck, etc. But you DO have the power to avoid things that will take you farther from your ideal reality. Never assume it won't happen to you. Assume it will happen and you will get caught ALWAYS and then evaluate if that is an activity in which you want to engage. Other people tell you to make something great of your life. I'm telling you just don't screw it up.
Sometimes, you can never get your might-coulds and shoulda-beens back.
I had that life planned too. I thought I'd be living in New York City in a "Dharma and Greg" sort of apartment. I would be walking to work in the theatre everyday and come home to my two cats named Mephisto and Marguerite. I might have a serious relationship, but more than likely not. I would just have a few close guy friends (with benefits) because I would be independent and successful and completely fulfilled in my career. Besides, with touring productions I'd need to crew or supervise I wouldn't really be able to tie myself down with my family. That's my might-could. But is it my shoulda-been?
I wonder that sometimes. I can point to one pivitol event in my life that changed everything for me. It was the conception of my oldest son in the summer of my senior year. I really love all my kids but sometimes I really wish I had waited. Once you have children, you effectively have no life of your own (if you are parenting correctly in my opinion). I've been through half my life now and still have not really achieved anything which was in my original might-could. I tell myself that I might have gotten into a lot more trouble in New York than just getting knocked up and that I am happier here. I have to tell myself that because I have no other reality. I am one of those fortunate people who can convince herself she is mostly happy in the reality that has come about, but that isn't always easy. I ended up with an unfinished college degree and divorced. Remarried but alone. And broke.
Right now there are lots of kids turning 18 and getting ready to go out and do something. They're sitting through lots of commencement speeches telling them to "Go boldly forth and make all your dreams come true." That's kind of daunting isn't it? And, for most of us, nearly impossible. So here is my commencement address to the class of 2006. Figure out what you absolutely do NOT want to do with your life. Where do you NOT want to be in ten years? If you got busted for smoking dope and had to trade college for prison, would you still go to your high school reunion? If you had six kids with four different fathers, would you be embarrassed to see your old friends again? Figure out what you want to be able to tell the preppies and cheerleaders and jocks and then set about to making that reality true. Picture what exactly (in minute detail) what you want your life to look like in 10 years and avoid anything that will screw that reality up for you. You may not always have the power to make your dreams come true due to lack of money, influence, pure dumb luck, etc. But you DO have the power to avoid things that will take you farther from your ideal reality. Never assume it won't happen to you. Assume it will happen and you will get caught ALWAYS and then evaluate if that is an activity in which you want to engage. Other people tell you to make something great of your life. I'm telling you just don't screw it up.
Sometimes, you can never get your might-coulds and shoulda-beens back.
posted by Basskitty @ 9:24 PM
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