On a lighter note: Kitty's Book Club

Disclaimer: It's not as grand as Oprah's. (Did you know that whenever Oprah has a book on the show it sells out of virtually every bookstore in the country within 24 hours?)

The last real book* I read was "Memoirs of a Geisha" by Arthur Golden. I read it because I saw the trailer in the theater before "A History of Violence" and I thought to myself "ooooooooh, pretty". I definately wanted to see the movie, and I knew I would not be able to live with myself if I didn't read the book first. I have wanted to read it since I started working at the bookstore. The movie's imminent release just gave me a deadline.

I won't tell much because I do not want to ruin the book for any of my gentle readers. It is the cinderella story of a fictional geisha named Nitta Sayuri. The reason I added the word "fictional" is that she seems so REAL. Even after reading the entire book in less tha 24 hours I have a hard time believing that the book I read is kept in the fiction section and not the biographies. The prose is absolutely beautiful without being too flowery and wordy. It took me very little time to get completely sucked into this book. I spent the rest of the weekend wishing I could be a geisha too. Unfortunately, I don't see it happening for this white middle-America mother of three. Anyway, here's the Oprah-esque pitch: Trust me; it's great. Go out to your local bookstore right now and buy it. You won't be sorry.

For the last two weeks since I finished "Geisha" I have been trying to wade through Maureen Dowd's "Are Men Necessary?" I read the blurb and thought it intriguing. Parts of it are intriguing, I guess. The author tosses a bit of humor in once in a while. But I can't get into it. I read a lot of nonfiction, and most of that is current events/political (of every ilk). But this book has exceedingly long chapters and it's just not grabbing me. I really want to get through this book, but I just can't. It is just as dry to me as the rest of the NY Times op-ed page.

Next I will read "The Regime" by Tim Lahaye and Jerry Jenkins. I got hooked on the Left Behind series as a truck driver and I just have to read them all. I am obviously nothing of a religious sort of person anymore as all that got me absolutely nowhere in terms of having a happy marriage and paying bills. I just read them for fun.

*real book - by this I mean literature. I occasionally pick up those little monthly romances for some mindless quick reading in between Su Doku puzzles. While they can be fascinating and engrossing, I don't count them in the same group as Austen, Dickens, Toni Morrison, Neil Gaiman, etc.

Evolution vs. Intelligent Design

I can't believe the debate about creationism ("intelligent design") and evolution has resurfaced in our country. WHY???Passionate folks on both sides of the debate are getting downright nasty with each other. I have the perfect solution to the whole mess, and it's so insanely simple it can be implemented in every school in the country tomorrow.

The solution: DROP IT. Yep, that's right. Don't teach it. Jesus freaks, don't get excited. Same goes for you, science geeks. I don't mean don't teach the other guy's side - I mean don't teach any of it.

Back in my 10th grade biology class, we were taught both sides. Neither was said to be correct and true. We had to research both arguments and have our own little debate - our own "Monkey Trial". Sixteen years later I guess it's not good enough to present all sides of an issue and let the students weigh the evidence and work it out for themselves. Now one or the other must be preached as absolute truth and those wanting to hear the other side must be derided and belittled. This issue is literally tearing communities apart, pitting neighbor against neighbor. How sad.

For the record, I don't believe any of it. I don't believe that any superior being played Bob Ross and dotted the landscape with happy trees (and us). I don't believe we evolved from apes. (If that were true, then why do we still have apes?) The reason I don't believe either theory is that it simply doesn't matter to me.

Why doesn't it matter? When it comes to paying the rent, doing my job well, loving my family and trying to keep people from peeing in my yard at 1:45 AM it just doesn't matter how we came to be. I suspect that for today's teens facing difficult life issues like underage drinking, smoking, drug experimentation, after-school jobs, safe driving, getting into the right college and sex it doesn't really matter either. It's just something for the supposed "adults" to pontificate on and to destroy their communities. There are enough useless things taught in high school these days like the rules of field hockey and trigonometry. Why add another? Let's teach useful stuff - stuff that matters in the lives and futures of these kids. Let's teach responsibility. Let's teach money management. Let's teach job interview skills and career-planning. Let's teach how to handle difficult people and situations. Let's teach how to manage stress. Let's teach nutrition and try to keep these kids from weighing 250 lbs at graduation.

Let's NOT teach about things that do not matter. Rather than teach about where life came from, let's teach about where it can go from here.

Black Friday

I'm tired of the hubbub surrounding day-after-Thanksgiving sales. In fast, they should all be either cancelled or highly regulated.

It's insane that people get up at 3 or 4 in the morning to go stand in line in the dark at some store acting like trash, shoving, trampling and maiming people just to get their grubby little paws on some stupid THING. Imagine the scene on Christmas morning when the serene soccer mom watches her children opening gifts that will be forgotten in less than 20 minutes. She can be proud when the kids toss aside the gifts for the boxes (to make a fort) that she only put four people in the hospital in her deranged bargain-induced frenzy this year. I hope that every person who received so much as a scratch sues every store for every penny they have now and will earn in the next ten years.

I am a smart person. I find my deals throughout the year and stash things away so that when the morning after Thanksgiving comes I can be snuggled warm in my bed. There is absolutely no reason for human beings to act like hungry lions fighting over the last antelope on the savannah. I will NEVER be one of these people, no matter the price or the item.

We had a similar scene to this a few weeks ago at the "Grand Re-opening" of our local mall's food court. The mall had this big to-do complete with a marching band, lots of clowns and a thousand gift boxes, a handful of which contained $500 mall gift certificates. Apparantly what they did not have was security. The marching band was supposed to play the customers in through a small passage in a giant gift box that opened. When this actually happened though, the band barely got a note out because people were trampling them resulting in injuries and broken instruments (which are mostly bought by the band members, not the school districts and which can cost hundreds of dollars). There was sheer terror among those kids. People shoved and screamed curses, and one woman "allegedly" punched a small child in the face (it's only allegedly because it hasn't gotten to court yet). From one eyewitness I heard that most of the people who were there causing the melee were the sort who would not have any reason to go to any of the stores in the mall if it weren't potentially free. And for what? The mall management, for their part, said they had no idea that so many people would be there or that they would act like that. They're giving away free stuff and it's 2005 when manners no longer count. What did they THINK would happen? Obvoiusly, they didn't think. Hopefully they will also get sued silly and have to go out of business. The "organizers" for the event should be jailed for criminal mischief and accessory to felony ASSAULT. Maybe they can get cells on the same block with the c**t who punched the kid.

If these idiotic sales must continue for "tradition's" sake, I suggest that the stores start taking names the week before Thanksgiving. If a person wants to shop early on Black Friday, they must sign up for the privilege, giving their name,address, driver's liscense number, etc. Then on Friday morning they can go to the store and find out which position their ticket has drawn through a random lottery system. They will be let into the store 10 tickets at a time in 10 minute intervals after ID's have been checked. Have plenty of uniformed police on hand WITH GUNS and if anyone gets disorderly they are immediately escorted from the premises. No excuses. It sounds really restrictive but hopefully most people will decide it just isn't worth the hassle to go out. If they do decide to go it will be almost impossible for them to act like anything less than dignified human beings.

Back from the Dead

My keyboard died. I should say I wore out another one. Keyboards don't last around here.

I think it's time for a nice big belief statement. Lots of companies have them - why not people? These are MY beliefs. If you don't like them, write your own. I think by the time a person hits 30 years old they should have a pretty good idea of who they are and the things in which they believe.

1. No one has the right to criticize another's true beliefs. It's OK to disagree, but that doesn't make the person wrong.

2. Everyone should own and love a lap dog at some point in their life.

3. Cars are for driving. They have wheels. Phone booths were not equipped with wheels, therefore were not intended to be driven. Cars and phone booths are separate entities and should be treated as such. In other words, you cannot give your full mind to driving while carrying on a cell phone conversation. Don't do it. Furthermore, anyone seen using a cell phone while driving with kids in the car should be ticketed for child endangerment. Period.

4. Grammar and spelling are of the utmost importance.

5. No one making under $250,000 a year should have a credit card. No one making over that should need one. So why do we have them?

6. All high school students should be required to take one year of money management courses (budgeting, saving, investing, debt control, etc.)

7. Families should have dinner together at least 4 times a week.

8. The main focus of journalism should be to deliver the news. Don't censor it, don't slant it, and don't editorialize it. Just tell me everything that happened and I'll figure out the why and how. Also, NEWS programs should be used to report the NEWS. On most average morning news shows, for example, you get about 10 minutes of real hard news (out of 2 hours). You also get to see which bathing suit is best for your figure, what movies are being released soon, which celebrities are feuding, and the best way to cook fish. If I want to see all that other crap I'll watch a fashion show, Roger Ebert, Entertainment Tonight, and the Food Network. Why does it take a Gigantic News Event like 9/11 or Hurricane Katrina for the news shows to report NEWS?

9. Everyone should keep a diary.

10. If it's not yours, don't touch it. In fact, leave it alone.

11. Don't litter.

12. There are very very few good and valid excuses to be grossly obese.

13. Nothing lasts forever. Enjoy it while it does. If it isn't enjoyable, patiently wait until it ends and then find something enjoyable.

14. Love is good. No exceptions.

15. Raise the legal marriage age to at least 28. I think many divorces happen because people get married before they really know who they are. They're not even done evolving into the person they will become. Neither is the kid they're marrying. They get married, have a kid or two and then they finish growing up, and by the time they get to 30 neither of them like the person the other has become. So they divorce. Raise the marriage age by ten years and lower the divorce rate by at least half. Which leads into the next point:

16. A car is a huge purchase. You would not THINK of buying a car without taking it for a test-drive. How much more important is the aquisition of a spouse? They need to be test-driven too. Duh. Plus every man should be required to read at least one book about how to really get a woman off. Women, meanwhile, should be required to study how to let things go (things like the fact he forgot to take the trash out this morning, NOT things like your figure).

I have more ideas which will follow in days to come. I wouldn't want to overwhelm my gentle readers (both of you) on my first day back. Or break my new keyboard...

Thanksgiving?

I'm in a quandry about what to do for Thanksgiving. Since my kids will be with their dad's family and since I am a rabid football junkie, my original plan was to get up and watch the parade, make a bunch of football-appropriate snacks, and watch football all day with my husband. Easy and fun, right?

Then I see all these magazines at work like Sunset, Bon Appetit, etc. Each one has a cover of a perfectly roasted succulent turkey with all the trimmings and I think, "Man, I want turkey (and it will be on sale!)" I've done the big traditional thanksgiving with the turkey and from past experience I know that a) I miss most of the parade because I am in and out of the kitchen and b) most turkeys are too large for two people to eat in a reasonable amount of time. My mom is back in the state so I could have her over, and my dad is only a few blocks away so he could come too. But is it really worth it? Dad has had the right idea for the past several years and taken us to a restaurant for dinner, but I really hate making all those cooks and waiters spend their day away from their families.

So what do I do?