Look out boys, it's Bridal Fair season!
Whomever decided to schedule the local bridal fairs on the last two weekends of the NFL playoffs must either love men or hate them. On the one hand it is a great way to keep the little woman occupied while you and the boys watch the big games. On the other hand, it's a tortuous time for those sell-outs who would do anything for their girl.
I often see men who are engaged. How do I know that's the situation? They are being drug into the bookstore (usually pulled along) by an excited an determined young female who comes straight to the information desk asking for the wedding planning books. At this point the guy usually tried to look away and put his hands in his pockets if he can pry them away from his fiancee. We point, she grabs his arm and pulls him away with her, going on about colors for her bridesmaids dresses or table centerpieces. It makes me laugh inside. I also quietly pray for the man to grow a pair and regain a little dignity.
Men, I know. Your lovely fiancee says she wants to plan your special day together as a couple. She values your input. She wants it to be a special day for the two of you that you can remember the rest of your lives. Hogwash. Men, she may truly love you, but please remember: she has been planning this wedding in her mind since she was four years old. The only real reason she needs you there is because you're a necesary part of the package. If you aren't there in a nice crisp tux, then she has no excuse to get her hair and nails and makeup done and wear a $1500 dress in front of her best girlfriends. You, my friend, are an accessory, just like her satin pumps.
Now if you've gotten to the stage where you are actually planning one of these events, you have realized that when she wants your honest opinion about something, she doesn't really mean it. She wants you to agree with her, to validate her vision. That is the groom's true job.
Many times your bride will go to the bridal fairs with her mom or her best friend. She understands that you would not be interested and that you'd really rather go have a root canal. You have found a treasure. Go along with whatever she wants, because she's a keeper. Then you get those other brides, the ones who want to make the wedding a truly couple (this means she plans, you validate) event. She has scheduled your Sunday afternoon without asking your opinion about it and subtly implied that your presence is required or else you'll be living like a monk for the next six months. You picture a life with no booty calls and you give in. Suddenly you find yourself in a room filled with women and tulle and more women and rings and even more women. Wait, there's a car you can go check out. Bummer, a limo. And SHE wants to see the passenger area, not check under the hood. You've just crossed into the seventh plane of hell, friend, and she's at the tux booth, picking out what YOU'LL be wearing. (You can choose the cufflinks, honey, so long as you pick the gold ones with the pearl inset. They'll match my earrings.)
If I were to have a booth at a wedding fair, I wouldn't be hawking flowers or DJ's or catering. I'd have a corner booth out of the way. I'd charge an extra five bucks to enter it. Inside would be a man-haven. A big screen TV with the playoffs, a keg of cold beer and plenty of pizza. And as many sofas and recliners as I could fit in there. A place where the whipped grooms could retreat to regain their manhood. I'll bet it would be the most profitable booth there, too.
And a note to my woman friends. Don't delude him by taking about "our special day." It's your day. If your man is pretending to be interested, he's doing it for your benefit. He just wants to know when and where to show up. He's not wrong for that. He's a man. It's a good thing (as Martha would say.) Cut him some slack. You'll be happy when that day comes and everything is perfect. He'll be happy a few hours later, when it's over.
Whomever decided to schedule the local bridal fairs on the last two weekends of the NFL playoffs must either love men or hate them. On the one hand it is a great way to keep the little woman occupied while you and the boys watch the big games. On the other hand, it's a tortuous time for those sell-outs who would do anything for their girl.
I often see men who are engaged. How do I know that's the situation? They are being drug into the bookstore (usually pulled along) by an excited an determined young female who comes straight to the information desk asking for the wedding planning books. At this point the guy usually tried to look away and put his hands in his pockets if he can pry them away from his fiancee. We point, she grabs his arm and pulls him away with her, going on about colors for her bridesmaids dresses or table centerpieces. It makes me laugh inside. I also quietly pray for the man to grow a pair and regain a little dignity.
Men, I know. Your lovely fiancee says she wants to plan your special day together as a couple. She values your input. She wants it to be a special day for the two of you that you can remember the rest of your lives. Hogwash. Men, she may truly love you, but please remember: she has been planning this wedding in her mind since she was four years old. The only real reason she needs you there is because you're a necesary part of the package. If you aren't there in a nice crisp tux, then she has no excuse to get her hair and nails and makeup done and wear a $1500 dress in front of her best girlfriends. You, my friend, are an accessory, just like her satin pumps.
Now if you've gotten to the stage where you are actually planning one of these events, you have realized that when she wants your honest opinion about something, she doesn't really mean it. She wants you to agree with her, to validate her vision. That is the groom's true job.
Many times your bride will go to the bridal fairs with her mom or her best friend. She understands that you would not be interested and that you'd really rather go have a root canal. You have found a treasure. Go along with whatever she wants, because she's a keeper. Then you get those other brides, the ones who want to make the wedding a truly couple (this means she plans, you validate) event. She has scheduled your Sunday afternoon without asking your opinion about it and subtly implied that your presence is required or else you'll be living like a monk for the next six months. You picture a life with no booty calls and you give in. Suddenly you find yourself in a room filled with women and tulle and more women and rings and even more women. Wait, there's a car you can go check out. Bummer, a limo. And SHE wants to see the passenger area, not check under the hood. You've just crossed into the seventh plane of hell, friend, and she's at the tux booth, picking out what YOU'LL be wearing. (You can choose the cufflinks, honey, so long as you pick the gold ones with the pearl inset. They'll match my earrings.)
If I were to have a booth at a wedding fair, I wouldn't be hawking flowers or DJ's or catering. I'd have a corner booth out of the way. I'd charge an extra five bucks to enter it. Inside would be a man-haven. A big screen TV with the playoffs, a keg of cold beer and plenty of pizza. And as many sofas and recliners as I could fit in there. A place where the whipped grooms could retreat to regain their manhood. I'll bet it would be the most profitable booth there, too.
And a note to my woman friends. Don't delude him by taking about "our special day." It's your day. If your man is pretending to be interested, he's doing it for your benefit. He just wants to know when and where to show up. He's not wrong for that. He's a man. It's a good thing (as Martha would say.) Cut him some slack. You'll be happy when that day comes and everything is perfect. He'll be happy a few hours later, when it's over.
posted by Basskitty @ 8:32 PM
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