This first post will be a narcissistic post, AKA a little background on me.

I work full-time in a bookstore. I have three kids, friends (co-workers plus a few others), occasionally a husband, a dog I adore and a new kitten who has just figured out the true meaning of kittenhood (exploration and destruction). I like to make things: words, clothes, jewelry, soap, scrapbooks, butt-kicking fantasy football teams, killer bass lines, observations. I think gradually society is drifting towards a culture of not making things. Our jobs now consist of selling things and servicing things. Fewer of us actually Create. I think it's kinda sad myself. However there are more Things on earth now than ever before in our history, so maybe it's an OK thing for fewer people to be engaged in creating them. Once upon a time people made books and shoes, furniture and toothpicks, clothes and clothespins and cars and quilts. Ask 20 people what they do for a living nowadays and you'll probably hear telemarketing, mechanic, bookseller, manager, programmer, driver and fire fighter. Makes you wonder if in 50 years anyone in America will create anything because they need it.

I do like funny things though. My kids are to that age when they can say or do funny things on purpose, but the accidental occurances are the funniest. My 14 yo son, a bright young man who likes to think deep thoughts and wants to be an engineer, made this comment while I was driving him home a couple weeks ago: "Farts are just turds honking for the right-of-way." Ever had to pull over because you were laughing too hard to drive? Not ten minutes after that when we pulled into their driveway my almost 12 yo daughter delivered a classic that will be rehashed every time she brings home a young man to meet us. We had been discussing people who don't eat meat/animal products (differing degrees of vegetarianism) and my little hamburger-loving omnivore declared "I don't ever want to become a virgin" (I think she meant vegan). You just can't make this stuff up!

By far some of the funniest things I hear or observe are at work. My friend Melissa has this game she plays with the books when she gets bored, and she taught it to me. (My co-workers have taught me many things but this was the best.) You can make almost any book title more interesting by adding the words "of death" to the title: South Beach Diet of Death, Beautiful Lawns of Death, Oxford English Dictionary of Death (unabridged), Windows XP of Death for Dummies, Building Web Pages of Death, Harold and the Purple Crayon of Death, etc. Next time you're sucking down a Caramel Frappuccino (try it affagato style - it doesn't cost that much more and you can go ZZZIIINNNNGGGGGG) wander around the bookstore and try a few on your own. Post any ridiculously funny ones here in my comments. (Thanks Melissa, and also Jessie whom I believe was in on the creation of this game.)

As with the creation of many new blogs, there are a million ideas bouncing off the walls of the author's mind. She wants to pound you with all of them on the first day. But she shall restrain herself... at least for a few hours.